Meet Me Beyond the Field...

I was thinking about Peace today...

What if Peace isn't the act of chronic kindness and self sacrifice, but balancing and embracing the full spectrum of human emotions with empathy?

What if Peace isn't the act of never raising our voice or always bending over backwards to be politically correct, so as to not offend others, but speaking our truth authentically and allowing others the space to do the same?

What if Peace isn't wrapping up our truth in a big pretty sugarcoated bow just to avoid being perceived as "impolite" or "creating conflict"? What if instead, we stop resisting and being afraid of who we truly are and allow our full Humanness to reveal Itself in the present moment? What if we accept ourselves just as we are?

What if Peace isn't the absence of anything, but the acceptance of all that is?

What if Peace is simply the state of neutrality and non-judgment, with no expectations or attachments; observing and allowing ourselves to be fully human and knowing at our core that that is the space where Divinity lives, waiting for us to come home?

What if Peace isn't about crucifying the ego (Note the metaphorical correlation between Jesus the Human being crucified, but resurrecting into eternal life), but embracing it as part of the whole and realizing it is necessary to have for the human experience? By shouting "crucify" to the ego, we are in resistance to a part of ourselves and that is where we suffer... in the disconnect.  We cannot have the human experience without an ego. Ego is the emotional aspect of The All, the "Mind of God". Ego is simply an earthsuit we choose to put on in order to experience what we are. People will say, "So you mean we're sad and angry and violent? That doesn't sound peaceful or spiritual and certainly doesn't sound like GOD!" But we cannot experience Peace without turmoil, love without hate or joy without despair. The full spectrum of emotions are what give us the ability to create and FEEL! Otherwise, how would we even know what joy is if we didn't first experience pain? How would we find gratitude for all "the good" if we first hadn't experienced "the bad". Peace is in the non-judgment of what is.

It is said in Christianity that Jesus was fully human and fully Divine, and yet even he told us we would do greater than he. That we too are created in the image of our Creator. In Hebrews, it talks of Jesus taking on the human nature in order to experience Humanness with empathy and compassion. He could not have done this if he didn't take on the Human Nature, which is the ego part of the Self. Jesus was the Creator experiencing Itself as Human, and blasphemy be damned, SO ARE WE.

Peace for ME is accepting who I AM; the Creator (call it what you wish) manifesting Itself in me as Human for the purpose of experience and expansion. This is Evolution. It's Knowledge becoming Wisdom. Knowledge is an accumulation of data, based on someone else's perception, something you have, something you hold. Wisdom is experiential, something you've done, it's what you ARE. You cannot claim truth of anything you have not personally experienced, even if it is claimed "a scientific FACT", for you are still ultimately taking someone else's word for it. And even IF something has been shown to be "scientifically proven", we can look at the Double Slit experiment and hopefully admit to ourselves that the role of the observer affects the outcome. This is why the only Absolute Truth that exists, is that Absolute Truth is being perceived relatively and subjectively by each individual, and all perceptions are ultimately the collective perception of the One Creator, which is you and me, we are the great I Am. We truly are a vessel, the lens for the Creator / Source / God / Universe to experience Itself, FULLY! There is nothing that is really unknown, only that not yet experienced. The more we resist who we truly are, the more suffering we are bound to endure. (We are 'bound' to suffer through our resistance of what is.)

The more we seek within and walk the path of Self discovery, the more we awaken to peace.

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase 'each other' doesn't make any sense."

-Mevlana Jelaluddin Rumi - 13th century

Peeling Potatoes

It's been a little while since I've blogged. I've been taking an extended break from social media in order to reground myself and focus on some major life changes going on this last couple of months. Normally I would share my personal experience in hopes of helping someone going through the same thing, but much of it is just too personal and sacred to share. This last couple of months have been well, . . . deeply painful and wretched.

Embracing more of my shadow and welcoming it into the light is not an easy transition. The shadow is not always so willing to join my spirit in the dance of life as lived in joyful abundance. Recently I realized I was hanging onto relationships that were toxic to me and ultimately to my family as a whole. Ending relationships, particularly familial ones, is very challenging. I did much soul searching and shadow work before making a final decision, but realized it is a decision I have been putting off for many years and I knew long ago what needed to be done, it is only by "obligation" to societal standards that I didn't end it when I should have. I ended one relationship which gave way to transforming another. Oh, sweet alchemy!

Once I ended this toxic relationship, within 2 weeks I became very ill. It was brutal. I have never been so sick in all of my life and spent the first 24 hrs feeling hijacked by my body as experienced it rid itself of major toxicity. Chronic vomiting left me dehydrated and exhausted at a level I have never felt before. I thought I was dying. After a few days of recovery, I realized that I had. The old had washed away and I had become new. I was reborn. Resurrected. I recognized the deep symbolism between the physical and metaphysical that was occurring in my experience and after a lot of rest and fluids, I felt so good and much gratitude for it all.

I am so deeply in awe of the All that it often leaves me speechless. As I sit here in my apartment, I hear the breeze blowing the trees just outside my window, the birds chirping, the maintenance men running a saw, the wind chimes hanging on my patio made of seashells and I cannot help but feel so blessed. I could easily shift my focus onto all that is seemingly going "wrong" in my life at the moment, but who wants to create more of that? Focus is everything. It's not sticking our head in the sand being Pollyanna and pretending that things aren't really happening; It's using our focus INTENTIONALLY. We have a choice.

I am so grateful to have the freedom to choose my focus and to do so with clear intention, knowing that what I choose to focus on in my experience is what I will continue to see. Both good and bad. And when I can go further and stop judging these experiences as one or the other and know that it is ALL part of a greater good. . . a higher purpose. . . the evolution of the whole. . .  than suffering loses all of its power and essentially ceases to exist. We get to choose. And having the freedom to choose our thoughts, which is the root of all judgments and feelings, is where the true freedom lies. What if we exercised our freedom and chose not to think at all? That's taking it even a step further and where meditation is often touted as a panacea of all! To stop thought means we go from doing to Being. To tap into the great "I AM" that is within and through out us all. To be the observer, not attaching ourselves to anything.... sights, sounds, feelings... To just BE with what is. This is living in the NOW.

This reminds me of a great quote by one of my favorite teachers. So, I will say Namaste and leave you with this. . .

"Zen does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes. Zen Spirituality is just to peel the potatoes." - Alan Watts

You have the innate right to NOT remain silent!!

Anyone who truly knows me, knows that I speak my truth come hell or high water. 

I do not like being in situations where I feel that my authenticity is being compromised by having to "keep my mouth shut". This is THE most painful thing a person could do to me. . . my own personal form of torture. When I see dishonesty and manipulation going on at a level that most people would not even recognize, it INFURIATES me to have to sit by and watch. I have tried to "trust the process" and let karma work itself out, and I KNOW that it will, HOWEVER, I can no longer remain silent if and when Spirit tells me to speak. THIS (in my opinion) is what the Bible was referring to in Mark 3:29 in regards to blaspheming the Holy Spirit and it being an unforgivable sin. Going against our inner voice is deeply painful and has many ill side effects. Also, by continuing to ignore that inner voice, over time it fades to a level of seemingly non-existence, thus we end up in our own personal hell, unable to forgive ourselves. I refuse to live in that space.

Everyone always says "Honesty is the best policy." but nobody really seems to want REAL HONESTY. It's hard. I get it. It can be very uncomfortable and cause us to look at the darkest parts of ourselves and others. But when we shy away from confrontation out of fear, we dishonor the Spirit within us and feed the shadow, which only gives it more power, both in our individual lives and collective culture. So how do we integrate our shadow selves, (the "darker" side, the "alter-ego", the "inner-bitch") into real life situations without allowing it to take control, creating more chaos and ultimately being counter-productive? 

Well, we start by not suppressing our voice of truth to begin with. It's allowing it to sit there, just under the skin... simmering... to the point it boils over and we can no longer control its behavior that gives our shadow such a bad rep! 

How would our lives be different if we honored our inner voice by speaking our truth without any attachments to others reactions? Now, please don't confuse this with me advocating walking around being a complete asshole, talking down to others and then dressing it in a blanket called "authenticity" and "listening to Spirit". Spirit isn't an asshole, but it IS honest and sometimes we don't like what we hear. Spirit guides us in truth on behalf of the highest good for all involved, even if it doesn't seem so at first. Often times our speaking the truth is a catalyst that leads to other puzzle pieces falling together and ultimately, creates a beautiful manifestation for all that is. Remember Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Now, many of you know that I am not a literal Bible believing fundamentalist Christian, but I know truth when I feel it. I will address the "gender" of my Higher Power in another post, but for now, my point is that I DO trust the process, knowing that every situation is playing out for the highest good of all, BUT I also have to honor my own personal role in this process by honoring the Spirit of Truth within ME! Remaining silent and reserved on the sidelines, hoping and waiting for it all to pass, is not living an authentic life, is NOT honoring Spirit and in fact, may very well hinder the process all together by creating more chaos and pain for all involved. 

So, today I am going to start doing my very best to honor Spirit as well as allow my shadow the space for its voice to be heard BEFORE it turns into the raging bitch who can't control her temper!! 

What if you could change the world?

What if?

*You don't have to live to work, be stressed out about money 24/7 and miss out on your family due to "obligations" of life? The rat race has an exit and you can take it. *There is no one perfect diet for humanity. *Hell is not a "place", it's a state of mind, just like heaven. "God" is not a guy in the sky, nor is he even a "He". God is you and me. The energy, the force, the consciousness that unites us all. God is the great I AM. God IS LIFE and pure positive LOVE.*There are really only 2 choices in life; Fear and Love. And at every moment, you're choosing the path of one or the other. Choose wisely.*Duality, separation and everything we consider "real" is just an illusion.*Thoughts really are the beginning spark of creating our own reality. Once you add in the emotion, that is where the real creative power comes in. You will find what you look for. What you focus on will intensify and the Law of Attraction is very real, yet grossly misunderstood and misrepresented by many in "new thought/spiritual" communities. You really do reap what you sow. 
*Jesus really did exist and was a way seer, a man who truly understood what it is to be Spirit having a human experience but would agree that while the bible does share many truths, it is not the one and only infallible word of the one an only "true" god and was never intended to be taken literally and used as a weapon against the masses. 
*Democrats and Republicans are 2 wings of the same bird and that bird is sick and dying. Anarchy is really a path to peace and not violent chaos as stigmatized. 
*Our children are gifts and not property and when trusted, respected and given a good example at home, make very good decisions for themselves at developmentally appropriate levels and do not require a system of rules, rewards and punishments.
*You were spanked and you're really NOT fine. And if you ARE, what could your fullest potential have been if you were shown loving guidance, equality and respect without physical force or aggression at such a young developing age? 
*Public school is not required for learning and in fact, can damage the natural learning drive and desire in most children as well as instills an internal drive to conform to outside authority rather than trusting themselves and their innate guidance system. Essentially, over time they learn WHAT to think, not HOW to think. 
*Sobriety really IS possible and happens every day. I get the joy and reward of seeing it often in many, and am grateful.
*We really weren't born dirty, shameful, sinful creatures but all of the primary paradigms have instilled this " original sin" into us by way of conditioning us out of our natural state and connection to each other and "god" and thus, as adults we are essentially "programmed" to function as modern slaves rather than the powerful creators that we truly are. Furthermore, if we became conscious and tapped into our creative force and started using our power for good, than we would cease subconsciously creating more of what we do not want.
*We really CAN change the world. And it starts within our own hearts and minds. 
What if?
*The human experience is like a video game and there is no annihilation upon death. You always have free will and can choose to stay at home base or choose a different character and play the game again. You are evolution and it never stops.
What if everything you believe is true and once you realize that you have the power to change your beliefs to be more empowering and joyful, you realize that you have the power to change your entire LIFE?
What if?

Single Parenting: To Work or Not To Work. . .

I was a single mom for 14 yrs and worked full time (at some points 2 jobs) to "take care of my own children" because I didn't want to be judged as a "welfare mom" and have other people pay my bills. That said, in doing so I felt I missed out on the entire childhood of my two older sons. I always felt like I was stuck in a life that wasn't natural to me. I hated it. And my misery overflowed onto my kids. I wanted nothing more than to be home with my boys, and not to mention the amount of stress I had from having a high stress level job and then going home to do all the household tasks, trying to make sporting events etc. really made it hard to practice loving connections or even have TIME to do anything other than go crazy. 

It was hard. SO hard. 

If I could go back, I wouldn't worry so much about having a lot of MONEY to "take care of my kids", I would learn ways to live minimally and meet the basic necessities while spending as much TIME with my kids as possible. Maybe I would have went to school or found a way to work from home. . . I don't know for sure, but I DO know that I wouldn't have worried so much about what everyone else thought about what I "should" or "should not" do. I would have followed my intuition instead of what others told me was "right". I would have listened to my kids more and tried to be more aware of what my children needed emotionally and biologically, understanding that is as important as the need for food, shelter and clothing. When I was a working single mother, I was guilty of judging those mom's who lived off of "welfare", child support etc., mainly because I was SO envious of them having time with their babies but pissed because they couldn't care less about being with them. I felt they had NO idea how lucky they were. They thought *I* was the lucky one because I "wasn't having to deal with kids all day". . . and "Got to get out of the house". What I discovered over those years was that while a working mom might not be "depending" on anyone else to SUPPORT them financially, they ARE depending on someone else (friend, family or daycare) to essentially RAISE their child. So which path is truly "best" for their child? That is not for ME to decide for someone else. Let's find ways to "support" single parents instead of judging whether they choose one path or the other. And don't think for one second that having to make a choice either direction is EASY! It's not. No matter what path you choose there are going to be sacrifices. Being a single parent is hard enough without people assuming they can walk in their shoes and make it look any better. Empowering parents with tools to be the best they can be is much more productive than tossing out opinions and shaming those who walk a different path. 

This post isn't an opinion piece on whether or not I support the welfare system. It's not about that. It's about us tearing each other apart rather than building one another up. It's about seeking to implement real solutions to the epidemic of broken families so that parents feel empowered rather than judged and ultimately, connecting with our children so that they have a better foundation and have their needs met not just physically, but emotionally.  

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” - Carl Jung

Pride and Prejudice

I've been seeing a lot of meme's lately on social media about being "proud to be an XYZ" and as usual, I have tried to ignore the ignorance, but after seeing the movie "The Boy In The Striped Pajamas" yesterday with my son, I cannot ignore it anymore.

Let's take a look at the definition of the word "Pride".

"Pride: A feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired."

George Carlin hit the nail on the head when he said. . . “Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Being Irish isn't a skill... it's a fucking genetic accident. You wouldn't say I'm proud to be 5'11"; I'm proud to have a pre-disposition for colon cancer.” - George Carlin


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeWMtTDy8nI



Please. Let's stop the hoopla of genetic pride. Announcing that you're "proud to be an XYZ", (american/peruvian, black female/white male, heterosexual/homosexual etc.), is like saying "I'm proud to be a brunette with blue eyes and a size 8.5 shoe." It's ridiculous. You had zero participation in ANY of those things. You didn't EARN your genetics, you were BORN with them! As George Carlin says, if ya wanna be HAPPY to be an XYZ, fine! But Proud??? If you must be proud, than be proud of the kind of parent, friend, sibling or employee you are. Take pride in being a person that shows compassion to others, gives to the less fortunate, makes an effort to work on yourself to be better every day or proud to stand up for others who don't have (or haven't yet found) their voice. But remember to take your pride with a dose of humility. We all look the same inside and at the core of our genetic makeup we are ALL human. I know it feels good to "belong" to a group, but group think is one of our most dangerous enemies. If you really want to fight "terrorism", start by ridding yourself of herd mentality, group thinking and following the lies of "Us vs Them" and start thinking for yourself but not only of yourself. Recognize yourself in others but not just others who look like YOU. And instead of pointing out differences and creating superiority, notice all of the similarities we share. We ALL want and deserve to have peace, love, joy and freedom. We ALL deserve to live.

I leave you with this. . .

"The Lard Is My Shepard, I Shall Not Salt!"

I am SO sick of the Fundamentalist Foodies. . . the Nutritional Crusaders. . . Diet Deities and all things related to telling someone else what they should or should not eat. Not everyone who eats in a specific way is "dieting", has disordered thinking or is "wrong" just because they choose to add/remove certain foods. If you eat a certain way, be it Paleo, Vegan, Vegetarian, Raw or XYZ and it makes you feel GOOD, have at it!!! This is not the same as eating a certain way because you're attached to a label and ignore negative biofeedback to stay true to your chosen "way". That's when it becomes unhealthy. If you're following a labeled diet and you feel like crap, then do something else that makes you feel better. Also, ALL dieting for weightloss lowers metabolism if you're in a negative energy balance, so if you feel like shit and are experiencing hypothyroid symptoms, EAT MORE FOOD. Starving yourself, no matter WHAT foods you eat is NEVER healthy. If you choose to exclude/include sugar, meat, pasta... poop... I don't really care! What goes in your belly is really none of my business, and it's not anyone else's either. Sharing information about health and nutrition is one thing, but what sends me over the edge is watching someone who has NEVER been obese or had health problems tell someone else who IS how to not be obese or have health problems simply because they tried "XYZ" and it worked for them without any problems, so it should work for you too!" I'm over it. Down with Diet Dogma. Be it the guru's who are making money off of desperate dieters, the ones who claim to not wanna be gurus OR the ones who judge ALL people who don't eat ALL foods as "dumb dieters".

Generalizations suck!

Eat, drink and be merry!

Gender Warfare...

Maybe it's because I birthed 3 sons, the oldest being almost 20, and have experienced first hand that all "groups" of people are oppressed and/or exploited in one way or another, but I'm getting a little sick of the feminazi bullshit. I am NOT a feminist. I am a LIVING BEING'IST. ALL people (and animals) deserve to be treated with respect. Men and women are BOTH victims of rape an sexual abuse. Men AND women are both responsible for raising their children. Men AND women are both guilty of treating the opposite sex as we've been conditioned to treat them until we become conscious of doing otherwise. I do not think in groups. I do not subscribe to labels. Just because my granddaughter likes to dress up as a princess doesn't mean that she's being subjected to "gender roles"... maybe she just likes dressing up like a fucking princess! She also likes to go fishing with her daddy and play in the dirt! Going to extremes to the opposite end of the pole can be just as unhealthy (and annoying) IMO as the "other side" that I see many people bashing! Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate. . . especially if you're just going off of someone ELSE'S ideas of what is "right and wrong" or emotionally attached to a label. And please don't assume that I am a feminist or any other "ist" just because I promote many of the same styles of living that they might. . . like peaceful parenting, equal rights, humanism etc. If I am ANYTHING, I'm a humanist. (But even that means different things to different people.) I do know that I am sick of all the "Us vs Them" gender warfare, regardless as to which side one plays.

Are you a member of the Comparison Cult?

I don't often share our personal experiences with natural learning anymore online due to privacy issues and harsh judgment, but this might help some of my fellow Natural Learning families, so I'm sharing. 

My son, almost 8, has exhibited some mild dyslexia and has been considered "slow" by outside family members when it comes to reading. Yet, his math skills have been nearly impeccable since age 5 without ever even opening a math book. This is another reason I am SO very grateful that he is given the autonomy, encouragement and support to learn at his own pace without being forced, which most often leads to further frustration and then feelings of failure, which, in the end, breeds apathy towards learning and low self worth. By remaining steadfast and not caving to outside opinions, we have continued to support him unconditionally and he has taught himself to read more and more by way of his passions. He may not be reading novels or even books, because he's simply not interested in that right now... but every time he reads a new word he is further internally motivated by his own excitement of accomplishing something that someone else has judged him for not being able to do. Every time he goes to type in a title on Netflix or Youtube, he is asking for help less and less. Every time we leave the house, he's pointing out words all over billboards and signs. He isn't in the back seat disconnected from the world around him, he is actively seeking out information from all over the place! SO many people hold "reading" as the pinnacle of worthiness in education from such a young age, but if the world ended today, how many books my son has read is NOT going matter... what matters is that he has LIVED a happy life pursuing his own passions with the full support and lack of judgment of his parents and learning everything he's needing along the way. Today he has shown drastic improvement in the dyslexia, so do I say that my son is dyslexic? No. He is just learning to read at his own pace as his own brain is ready and that might look different than someone else's time frame and standards. 

From the linked article below:



“My perspective, after 40 years of working on this entity we call ‘reading disability’ or ‘dyslexia,’ is that we need to be thinking of it as a variant of normal, rather than an abnormality,” said Martha Bridge Denckla, a research scientist at the Kennedy Krieger Institute, professor at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, and member of the Dana Alliance for Brain Initiatives. She suggests reading can be better understood as a talent, a biologically bestowed gift that is not doled out equally to everyone.

“There is variability at the highest level of the brain for a whole bunch of different things we call talents,” said Denckla. “We accept completely that there are people who do not have whatever the neurological basis for musical talent may be–we just say they don’t have that ‘ear’ for music. Well, people can also be born with an untalented ‘ear’ for the speech sounds of language, which makes it very difficult to connect with an alphabetic system and be proficient at reading.”



Let's stop comparing children to arbitrary standards AND each other. It's very damaging psychologically and frankly, it's rude. I wouldn't walk up to an adult at a gathering and quiz them on their knowledge, so why do we think it's ok to do this to children? Appreciate them for who they are and not how they can "perform", children are not here to entertain or please adults and are just as worthy of their intellectual property and privacy of mind as we are.

http://www.dana.org/media/detail.aspx?id=13124

Obese does not = worthless, unhealthy or lazy.

Dear Fat Shaming Meme's:

I see you in my newsfeed on a daily basis. It's like there's no escaping you! No matter how many pages I "unlike" or how many more positive body image pages I DO "like", there you are... shaming people into being "healthy". Well, the next time you feel like saying something like this: 

"You can feel sore today or sorry tomorrow. You choose." 

*Consider this: 
*That's interesting. I'm not sore OR sorry.

"I don't have time to exercise" is the adult version of "The dog ate my homework."

*So now adults who choose not to exercise in blocks of time are lazy liars just like all of those bad evil little children. Got it. *eyeroll*

"Do not reward yourself with food. You're not a dog."

*My bad, I thought food was a sustenance of LIFE. Some thing to be grateful for. Many people even bless it before putting it into their mouth! But thank you for showing me that it is actually a product of SINFUL reward and by equating food (even my beloved red peppers!) with reward seals my godless fate in hell for all eternity. . . . with twinkies. And dogs.

"Someone who is busier than you is running right now."

*That's cool. I raised 3 boys while holding down a highly stressful job, never received child support nor government assistance, paid all of my own bills and provided my sons with everything I possibly could while being physically, emotionally and psychologically abused by a meth addict for 14 yrs., buried my father to cancer and had 4 surgeries. I finally "retired" after getting remarried so that I could actually FOCUS on being a mom and trying to give my sons (even the grown ones) the attention they deserve. But it's totally awesome that you can run X amount of miles. GOOD JOB!!!  I hate running. Maybe since you're SO much busier than I am, I could help you keep up with your laundry, housework and cooking?

Now look, I am not advocating anything here other than NOT shaming. If you enjoy rigorous exercise and dieting etc. (notice I said ENJOY), than KEEP DOING IT! I'm happy for you!!! But don't assume/insinuate that whoever doesn't, is a worthless pile of lazy lying fat. There is SO much more that goes into health and obesity that what most are even aware of. Shame does not motivate people to greatness and you cannot punish someone into wellness. Instead of shaming and assuming, try relating and encouraging without purpetuating myths and condemnation. 

It's time for children to be respected.

It amazes me how our culture acceptably treats children. Publicly shaming them on street corners forcing them to hold signs that tell the world their "mistakes", screaming at them when they don't conform, using physical force to demand submission and ordering them around like slaves, using carrots on sticks to achieve desired performance like they're animals being trained in a circus. Most people have no problem treating children this way yet would NEVER allow themselves or another adult to be. Parents who bully their kids then have kids who bully kids at school, then punish their kids for treating other people how THEY have been treated at home and wonder why we have a bullying epidemic! Then they watch the news at night and say "Damn punks! If that kids parents had beat his ass more, he wouldn't be doin' that shit!"

Oh yes, I'm sure it's because they weren't abused ENOUGH!!

We can deny it all we want, but treating children, the most fragile among us, in this way is WRONG. Yes, you can parent however you CHOOSE and it doesn't have to be the same way I DO, HOWEVER, we do NOT get the luxury of "choosing" to use physical force or bulling any adult in our culture without legal action so why is it ok for CHILDREN??? Instead of seeking quick fixes to meet the needs of the adults, we should be seeking to educate ourselves to be the best parents we can be and loving our children in the way the DESERVE. Just like WE all deserved. The cycles of abuse will never end unless we end it. Is it easy to parent in more conscious, peaceful and connected manner if you were not raised in that way? No. It takes determination, trial and error and a lot of forgiving yourself in the process. Parenting is NEVER "easy". But if we truly want to see a change in our world, than it's high time we start at the roots and show the children that they deserve better. We ALL do. They don't deserve to become the product of our OWN damage. We are worthy of healing and they are worthy of respect. I make mistakes EVERY day. I am NOT a perfect parent. But as Maya Angelo said... "When we know better, we do better."

It's time for us to do better. It's time for us to heal, to love and forgive ourselves and It's time to treat children with the equal respect and love they deserve.

I'll see you at home...

I have discovered that my greatest source of suffering is the contrast between wanting SO badly for everyone to enjoy this life as much as I do and them choosing (consciously or subconsciously) not to do so. I desire so strongly for everyone to see and feel the wonder, beauty, peace, love, joy, freedom and connection with All that Is. To have a deep sense of trust in the universe and its magnificence. I wish everyone could know that life is as wonderful as we make it. That if we are walking in the dark, we can pull out the flashlight at anytime and find our way back to the the fully lit path. 
I am always so humbled when I think about my "past" life... the one I was living until around age 30. I remember much of my twenties hating life SO much that I begged for my life to be taken... yet I could never do it myself because I had an even stronger desire to stay with my children. I would feel so guilty for leaving them behind, yet I felt guilty for not being able to be with them as much as I wanted and they needed due to having to work all the time as the sole provider, so I was deeply conflicted. 
I stayed in a cynical state of existence for many years, choking on the bitterness towards those in my past who had hurt me. Believing that some guy in the sky was punishing me for breaking his rules even though it was mostly unintentional and I was trying SO HARD to do everything right. I didn't know anyone who had lived through all of MY lifes' circumstances who were still able to be sober and take care of their children and responsibilities as a single parent without any assistance. I was angry. I was resentful and I felt that I could lose what inkling of hope I had left at any moment. Not only had I been abused by those who were supposed to love me, but I abused myself. I cut and I starved, and I binged and even begged my abuser to stay and "love" me, essentially begging for more abuse. I spent many years believing I was a victim of an abuser. A victim to someone else's addiction. A victim to an abusive childhood. A victim to poverty as a single mom. A victim to bosses who used me, knowing that I had no other options. A victim to society's judgment at every turn. A victim to a world that is cold, dark and selfish.



It wasn't until around age 30 that I realized I was only a victim of my own mind. 
I realized that the only person I could change, was me. Eventually, I learned that I couldn't change me without changing my beliefs. And I couldn't change my beliefs unless I was willing to let go of the old and explore the new without fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what I might find and fear of what anyone else thought about my exploration. I had to stop believing that life is just this place to live out a slow painful death while a "god" watched from above as I gasped for air all the while expecting me to worship him for how GOOD he is. I had to change my thinking in order to change my life, but more accurately, I had to change my FEELINGS in order to change my life. I get to choose how I feel. ALWAYS. 
Today, I am living a totally different life. A life full of so much good that it brings tears to my eyes just to think about it. A life that I wish so badly that others could experience and share in the gratitude and deep peace that is present in knowing that we are not victims of circumstance. Or at least, we don't HAVE to be. So you see, I don't suffer when I see someone I love struggling simply because they're struggling, I suffer simply because they do not know that they don't have to. (And understanding that I too, have control over my own suffering). But in most cases, like my own experience, they cannot hear me even when I tell them so. And they're not always meant to, at least maybe not in this moment. For they have their own journey of the soul and it would be wrong for me to deny them that experience. If I hadn't went through so much darkness in my earlier life, than the light I have today would feel so bland. I would be robbed of being able to recognize just how fucking awesome my life is today! My own evolution has not only taught me but proven to me without a shadow of a doubt that the Universal Laws are at work 24/7 whether we acknowledge and believe in them or not. That we are the creators of our own reality every second of every day. That we came here for expansion and without contrast there would be none. We could not evolve if there was nothing to evolve FROM. That yes, sometimes life is hard and there is pain and suffering, but how we choose to feel and get through those times can be what makes or breaks our spirit.



T'is our own choice what path we choose to take to find our way back home, but know this: No matter what path you DO choose, the All is supporting you every step of the way and you cannot stay focused on your own path if you are busy looking over and judging someone else's. Would you drive your car down the road while looking into the lane next to you and expect it to be a joyous ride, arriving safely at your destination? Of course not. Stay focused on your own path... and even when others try to steal your joy and bring you over to their side of the street as they drive down that dark alley, you don't have to follow them, you don't have to get in their car and begging them to get in yours is likely to cause you to crash. You don't have to lose hope or give up on them. You can simply look over, smile and wave and say.... "I guess your map is different than mine. Good luck! I love you and I'll see you at home."

Even the sun hides behind the clouds sometimes....

Ahhhh.... the Shadow. We meet again.  

Healing from a life full of abuse fucking sucks... straight up. Especially when you realize you subjected yourself to said abuse because at your core, you didn't & still don't love yourself and therefore subconsciously suffered (and continue to suffer) your own punishment for being what you allowed others to create in you. Hurt peo

ple hurt people. By projecting our anger and lack of self worth onto others we only reveal how we feel about ourselves. In order for us to stop hurting others, we have to stop sabotaging ourselves from the pain within. Whether we feel justified in doing so or NOT. Someone has to stop the madness... and no one can stop your madness but YOU.

I'm going to try very hard to respect those who don't respect me, encourage those who mock and make fun of me, speak softly to those that yell at me and unconditionally love those who, (I'm discovering), don't really love me. Maybe then I can repair that part of me that is broken. Maybe then... I will be able to start loving myself for who I really am instead of hating the abusers within me and trying to punish them.

Wish me luck.

Hindsight, Love and Lessons Learned In Parenting...

I became a mom for the first time at the ripe old age of 16, and then had my 2nd son at 18. I strived and struggled for years to NOT be that "stereo typical teenage mom" and worked my butt off providing for my boys the best I could. Their father (my ex-husband whom some of you know) was abusive and in and out of jail so even though I was "married", I was single. I didn't get welfare or child support. I do not come from a wealthy family. I worked my way up in the corporate world and by most people's standards, I was doing "well". My oldest was very athletic and was involved in almost every sport. When I married my now husband and was finally able to quit my career to focus on being a mom to my now youngest, Kreid (6)... I realized that all of those years with my older boys were spent trying to give them every *THING* they needed when I wish I would have just given them ME. I was a single mom for a long time and never really saw an "option" to stay home with them or do anything different than work, work, work! (Plus clean, cook and transport!) I just wanted to mention this for all of you young parents out there... remember what's REALLY important. I'm not saying "don't work or you're a bad mom", I'm just saying remember they need YOU more than they need the name brand clothing, the shoes and the elaborate toys etc. They need love, compassion, understanding and for you to be PRESENT and focused on them, feeding not just their bellies, but their soul. My older boys had a COMPLETELY different upbringing than my youngest and it shows. It's hard for me to not wish I could go back and do it all over again, but I know that everything happens for a reason, so I have no regrets, only lessons learned. 

Much Love.

Stop blaming and take responsibility!

Hurry! Find someone to blame for the evils of this world!! OR...stop blaming "them" and start accepting the joint responsibility that we ALL hold collectively by our consciousness and believing that we can control, punish and use violence against other beings without devastating consequences. LOVE IS THE ONLY THING THAT WORKS WITHOUT NEGATIVE SIDE EFFECTS!!!! Take some and share with others! Stop complaining about the how awful the world is and DO something to change it by CHANGING YOURSELF!!!!

At least it's Friday!

I'm not sure what's going on with me this week.... not sure how to feel.  I just want to isolate. Somehow I have managed to get myself WAY down on the emotional scale to the point of having nightmares and attracting some not so positive experiences into my reality.  Sometimes, I just want to cry but have no idea WHY! I'm really working on allowing myself to feel the emotions and release them.  I'm working my way back up!  Trying to find MY balance in life... with every aspect.  Ready to start anew with new changes next week.

I seem to be getting deeper into the emotional detox as well, which I swear is way harder than anything physical!!  I can tell when I'm getting further into the cellular memory by how I will suddenly remember events that I had long forgotten about and I can actually FEEL how I felt at the time the event occurred and have a RUSH of emotions that are all over the scale! This seems to last about a week and then I move forward.  Now that I'm writing this, I can see clearly that this is exactly what is going on with me this week!  My higher thought right in this moment is... at least it's Friday! ;-)

No Fear!

There is no fear in love. "God" IS love therefore God cannot be fear. Fear is the antithesis of God / Love... so are you seeking "God" through fear based religions (other people's opinion of what God is) or from within yourself which was "created in the image and likeness of your Creator?" The route is much shorter when you realize that you don't have to leave home to find what you're looking for! God cannot fear itself. There is not a Source of good and a separate source of evil. There is One Source (God)... and it's either allowed or resisted. Evil is the resistance of good just as darkness is the resistance of light. To believe that God is (or promotes fear) would be to say that God is also (or promotes) evil... but God cannot BE evil nor fear because God IS LOVE. Consider this as you are told by others that you are not good enough or worthy just as you are, for it is THEIR OWN FEAR (or resistance to Source/God) that prevents them from seeing you through the eyes of your Creator! I am forever grateful for shedding the fear based theologies years ago and walking into a most magnificent relationship with my Higher Self, my Creator and the Universe! HAVE NO FEAR! GOD TRULY DOES LOVE YOU! We are all extensions of God so whatever we do to ourselves or others, we do to God! Think about this as you judge, love, lift up, tear down, bomb, feed, destroy or encourage another. "Whatever you do to the least of these... you do unto me."

Todays thoughts = Tomorrows Reality

Dear Friends,

I just finished reading what is now the best book I've read, "The Sculptor In The Sky" by Teal Scott.  If you're tired of creating your life by default and are ready to embrace life and BE HAPPY then I HIGHLY recommend this book!  I love all of the great LOA teachers like Wayne Dyer, Abraham (Ester) Hicks, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra etc., but Teal just has a way of relating that REALLY grabs me!  I will read it again... and again, I'm sure.  Check it out here:   http://www.thespiritualcatalyst.com/TealScottHome.html

I have decided to have a peaceful, mutually loving relationship with food. I have an extensive unhealthy history in relationship to food and dieting. I don't like labels, so I don't subscribe to 80/10/10, LFRV or RAW, Vegan, Vegetarian, Paleo, etc., etc., regardless of what eating patterns work best for my body, I will not punish myself for eating "outside" of my chosen paradigm.  I am trying to align with my Higher Self PRIOR to eating ANYTHING in order to make good choices, but at the end of the day, I truly believe that the internal (emotions, self worth, vibrational output via thoughts etc.) is FAR more important than the external (food, exercise etc).  Now don't get me wrong.. I am not advocating eating fast food while being sedentary for good health! I am simply saying that when the internal Self is nourished, loved and healthy... than the external self will follow!  We will default to making better choices because we will raise our vibration to be a match to healthier things... by default!  Less stress!  I am choosing to be joyful and EXPECT GOOD things for myself.  If my physical reality is "negative" than it is due to the thoughts that I have been thinking... so in the great words (and book) of Dr. Wayne Dyer... "Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life!"  I am changing my life by my perception of it!  Instead of seeing what I perceive as negative and continuing to give out (and therefore receive) negative I will not judge the physical, because I know it is only a mirror of the NON-physical. I can only continue to think thoughts that create the life I WANT whether I can see it yet or not is irrelevant.  I know that it WILL manifest ... so I can manifest pain, heartache, stress and poor health OR I can manifest abundance, joy, compassion and excellent health!  I choose the latter... how about you?  What are YOU focusing and therefore creating in your reality?  We are what we THINK!  And we're much more powerful than we give ourSelves credit for!  Here's a look at an example of a new daily "to do" list:

*Wake up with a smile and give thanks to our Creator for the free will in how I create my day

*Meditate on what I desire in my experience and review what "is" for lessons that to be learned.  (Daily affirmations may vary depending on what I want to focus on.)

*Show compassion and love for mySelf and others

*Allow Source to flow through me by aligning my thoughts in resonance with my Higher Self led by my trusted emotional compass.

*Focus on what I want to create.... not what is.  Todays thoughts create tomorrows reality!

*Live in the NOW!

Create bliss in every moment! (Notice the sway of the trees, the warm water embrace in a hot bath, the ability to walk, talk, run, laugh.)  Even if a circumstance "appears" to be "bad", look for the good and focus on THAT.  For example:  If you were just told that your friend is going into the hospital with an illness, instead of thinking "Oh my gosh, this is terrible!  What if my friend dies!?!?"  Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with that type of news (sadness, anger etc.) but find the thought that will help you focus on a higher vibration such as: "I am sad/angry that my friend is in the hospital with ABC illness, but I know that this can be the catalyst that brings forth a desire for a great healing and therefore change his/her life forever in a positive way!  I am sending energy of awareness and resolution and praying that he/she aligns with his/her Higher Self and allows a complete healing to occur.  I pray they begin to love themselves fully!" This will benefit both you AND your friend.  Now, I know a lot of people think this is all sugarcoating BS that is a sense of denial of reality... but it's actually the contrary.  Reality is a mirror of what WE have created... not us creating based on reality!  So flip the coin and break the cycle of creating by default.  The law of attraction (reaping and sowing, karma etc.) is at work 24/7 whether we agree, believe, like it or not!  We might as well start using it to our benefit and enjoy life!  This is, after all... why we came here in the first place! ;-)

I will leave you with this quote:

"You can not have a life, you can not lose a life… you are life. It is you who holds the power to decide yourself back onto the path you intended, the path of welcoming and of becoming one with your own personal definition of bliss. 

The power that you hold in life does not lie in what cards you have been dealt in this life, but instead in how you play them. Your life can be a tragedy in spite of every advantage.

Your life can be a triumph in spite of any kind of adversity. Your freedom lies in the fact that it is your choice which way you create your life to be." -Teal Scott

Emotional Detox is no bueno....

I've been going through another spiritual growth spurt/shift and doing a lot of work on detoxing both physically, for some health related issues, and emotionally from earlier life trauma. Let me just say that this is no walk in the park! The physical part (juicing, transitioning into a higher raw food diet, meditating regularly, being more active and loving on the sun) is fun, easy and intuitive for me... but the emotional negative energy stuff, yeah... not so much. If you look into my past blogs you'll notice one ( http://kristie711.blogspot.com/2009/09/there-are-two-things-person-should.html ) where I clearly have struggled with anger, even though I'm a very loving, highly sensitive person. This stems from both childhood events, genetics (being passed down from my mother) and from an abusive ex-husband, along with the occasional Joe Blow who found solace in making fun of me on the playgroung because I was "fat". I know it is important to "release these inner demons" and come to terms with my shadow. By acknowledging these feelings... letting them flow freely out of me (while my poor husband sits on the bed listening, wondering what to do) and making peace with them, I am able to finally let go and find forgiveness. Forgiveness for my mother who was only doing the best that SHE knew how to do with HER circumstances because after all, it WAS somewhat better than HER upbringing. I love you mama. I forgive you and I appreciate all of the good things you instilled in me. Forgiveness for my ex-husband, because I know that he is so sick with addiction to meth, that he is unable to make healthy decisions or really comprehend the effect he had on me all those years. He is sitting in prison for the up'teenth time at the age of 38yrs old and will be lucky to physically make it another 10yrs. His body is exhausted and it shows... his mental capacity is diminished to that of a 5th grader on most days. I actually feel sorrow for him at this point. He is so far removed from his spirit and I know his soul must be ready to return home just for a moment of inner peace. Kevin, I forgive you. I hope you find peace and rest soon. Now that I have forgiven them... the hardest part, but likely the most important is forgiving MYSELF. For all of the times I didn't follow my intuition... for raising children in the midst of the abuse and such a negative environment that was enough to send ANYONE to an insane asylum. Forgiving myself for staying in it for so long trying to "do the right thing" and for having good intentions but not doing what, deep down, I knew to be right. For passing some of this same "sickness" on to my children for them to have to battle and overcome. For giving my mother and my ex-husband the power over me to make me feel so angry, fearful and inadequate. Self, I forgive you. I love you and cherish you and I commit to taking better care of you, nurturing you physically, spiritually and emotionally. I know I will have days that I struggle, but I also know that by removing these deep seeded emotions one by one as they arise, I will only free mySelf even more and will continue to reconnect with my inner power, my Highest Self, creating the life that I deserve. Today I choose to live life authentically. I will not judge mySelf or others. I will love and be loved! I will be kind to mySelf and others. I will think, speak and be Love, Joy and Peace. Thank you Creator for giving me the choice in how to experience this life! By understanding that you gave ME the control of my own destiny, I cannot blame you for any "bad" choices I make or things that happen in my life. I understand that it is NOT your will for me to do or be.... anything that I don't want to be or do! I thank you that I have complete freedom in how I co-create my life with you! This gives me a deeper desire to live this life as freely, joyfully and healthfully as possible while helping others to do the same. I was blind... but now I see.

What station is this???

I hear songs in my head almost simultaneously.....

"I see trees of green... red roses too..."
"And I think to myself.... what a wonderful world...." (Louis Armstrong)

"It's the end of the world as we know it... " (REM)

"Jesus loves me this I know...." (anyone)

"and now ya do what they told ya.... (now you're under control) and now ya do what they TOLD ya!!" (repeat over and over) (RATM)

"Here's to you Mrs. Robinson... Jesus loves you more than you will know... Oh, Oh, Oh" (Caroline Spine Version)

"some say the end is near, some say we'll see Armageddon soon... I certainly hope we will.... I sure could use a vacation from this bullshit..." ( TOOL)

"You're my world... the shelter from the rain.... in this world where nothing else is true, here I am still tangled up in you" (STAIND)

"Despite the lies that you're making, your love is Mine for the taking... My love is just waiting to turn your tears to roses.... I will be the one that's gonna hold you, I will be the one that you run to, My love is a burning consuming fire! No, you'll never be alone, when darkness comes I'll light the night with stars, hear the whispers in the dark." (SKILLET)

I could go on forever.... my life is a soundtrack to all the evil and chaos wrapped in love that we call "world." I think I may have "Spiritual ADD"... I go from feeling elated like I can change the world, earnestly seeking truth and trying honestly to apply it to my life... to sobbing so hysterically all over my couch that there's a snot line from one cushion to the other because of the evil we never hear about...... like children being used as sex slaves as young as the age of 3, people being tortured because other people "get bored..." while we're out shopping and playing house people are suffering and dying, and yes I know, there's nothing new under the son ....but I become speechless to my Creator and my knees show signs of unvaccumed carpet with embedded Pringle crumbs and for that time I feel so pathetic to have EVER complained about ANYTHING in my ENTIRE life that I don't even deserve to speak. All I can do is cry.... and know that He knows my thoughts.... and tell Him that He better "take" these people before they physically die because otherwise I can make NO sense out of such torture... and yes, to answer that question in the back of your mind, I DO feel the same way about the crucifixtion of Christ.... whether you or I believe Him to be Messiah, Savior or NOT... for ANYONE to suffer such pain is against everything I believe to be Gods will..... and just so you know I believe He felt every bit of it..... and I still can't swallow that. Some days I feel very "big"... ready to live out my mission of love and hope and spread it to the world..... others days I feel like been chewed up and spit out by a religious machine and I get so pissed off at the darkness and evil that I just WANT OUT. I don't want to believe it's happening... I don't want to hear about it.... I don't want to pray about it... hell, I don't even WANT to believe in a God that would "allow" it!!!!!! But then.... I know I need to step away from the maddness (eg. TV, computer, books) find my "quiet" place (even if it's only for a minute while I shower) go back to the Source of my being and be still.... and KNOW that He is not only God, but good.... and not only good, but LOVE... and love NEVER fails... So I try again.

Peace in, Peace out.