I was a single mom for 14 yrs and worked full time (at some points 2 jobs) to "take care of my own children" because I didn't want to be judged as a "welfare mom" and have other people pay my bills. That said, in doing so I felt I missed out on the entire childhood of my two older sons. I always felt like I was stuck in a life that wasn't natural to me. I hated it. And my misery overflowed onto my kids. I wanted nothing more than to be home with my boys, and not to mention the amount of stress I had from having a high stress level job and then going home to do all the household tasks, trying to make sporting events etc. really made it hard to practice loving connections or even have TIME to do anything other than go crazy.
It was hard. SO hard.
If I could go back, I wouldn't worry so much about having a lot of MONEY to "take care of my kids", I would learn ways to live minimally and meet the basic necessities while spending as much TIME with my kids as possible. Maybe I would have went to school or found a way to work from home. . . I don't know for sure, but I DO know that I wouldn't have worried so much about what everyone else thought about what I "should" or "should not" do. I would have followed my intuition instead of what others told me was "right". I would have listened to my kids more and tried to be more aware of what my children needed emotionally and biologically, understanding that is as important as the need for food, shelter and clothing. When I was a working single mother, I was guilty of judging those mom's who lived off of "welfare", child support etc., mainly because I was SO envious of them having time with their babies but pissed because they couldn't care less about being with them. I felt they had NO idea how lucky they were. They thought *I* was the lucky one because I "wasn't having to deal with kids all day". . . and "Got to get out of the house". What I discovered over those years was that while a working mom might not be "depending" on anyone else to SUPPORT them financially, they ARE depending on someone else (friend, family or daycare) to essentially RAISE their child. So which path is truly "best" for their child? That is not for ME to decide for someone else. Let's find ways to "support" single parents instead of judging whether they choose one path or the other. And don't think for one second that having to make a choice either direction is EASY! It's not. No matter what path you choose there are going to be sacrifices. Being a single parent is hard enough without people assuming they can walk in their shoes and make it look any better. Empowering parents with tools to be the best they can be is much more productive than tossing out opinions and shaming those who walk a different path.
This post isn't an opinion piece on whether or not I support the welfare system. It's not about that. It's about us tearing each other apart rather than building one another up. It's about seeking to implement real solutions to the epidemic of broken families so that parents feel empowered rather than judged and ultimately, connecting with our children so that they have a better foundation and have their needs met not just physically, but emotionally.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” - Carl Jung
