No Fear!

There is no fear in love. "God" IS love therefore God cannot be fear. Fear is the antithesis of God / Love... so are you seeking "God" through fear based religions (other people's opinion of what God is) or from within yourself which was "created in the image and likeness of your Creator?" The route is much shorter when you realize that you don't have to leave home to find what you're looking for! God cannot fear itself. There is not a Source of good and a separate source of evil. There is One Source (God)... and it's either allowed or resisted. Evil is the resistance of good just as darkness is the resistance of light. To believe that God is (or promotes fear) would be to say that God is also (or promotes) evil... but God cannot BE evil nor fear because God IS LOVE. Consider this as you are told by others that you are not good enough or worthy just as you are, for it is THEIR OWN FEAR (or resistance to Source/God) that prevents them from seeing you through the eyes of your Creator! I am forever grateful for shedding the fear based theologies years ago and walking into a most magnificent relationship with my Higher Self, my Creator and the Universe! HAVE NO FEAR! GOD TRULY DOES LOVE YOU! We are all extensions of God so whatever we do to ourselves or others, we do to God! Think about this as you judge, love, lift up, tear down, bomb, feed, destroy or encourage another. "Whatever you do to the least of these... you do unto me."

Todays thoughts = Tomorrows Reality

Dear Friends,

I just finished reading what is now the best book I've read, "The Sculptor In The Sky" by Teal Scott.  If you're tired of creating your life by default and are ready to embrace life and BE HAPPY then I HIGHLY recommend this book!  I love all of the great LOA teachers like Wayne Dyer, Abraham (Ester) Hicks, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra etc., but Teal just has a way of relating that REALLY grabs me!  I will read it again... and again, I'm sure.  Check it out here:   http://www.thespiritualcatalyst.com/TealScottHome.html

I have decided to have a peaceful, mutually loving relationship with food. I have an extensive unhealthy history in relationship to food and dieting. I don't like labels, so I don't subscribe to 80/10/10, LFRV or RAW, Vegan, Vegetarian, Paleo, etc., etc., regardless of what eating patterns work best for my body, I will not punish myself for eating "outside" of my chosen paradigm.  I am trying to align with my Higher Self PRIOR to eating ANYTHING in order to make good choices, but at the end of the day, I truly believe that the internal (emotions, self worth, vibrational output via thoughts etc.) is FAR more important than the external (food, exercise etc).  Now don't get me wrong.. I am not advocating eating fast food while being sedentary for good health! I am simply saying that when the internal Self is nourished, loved and healthy... than the external self will follow!  We will default to making better choices because we will raise our vibration to be a match to healthier things... by default!  Less stress!  I am choosing to be joyful and EXPECT GOOD things for myself.  If my physical reality is "negative" than it is due to the thoughts that I have been thinking... so in the great words (and book) of Dr. Wayne Dyer... "Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life!"  I am changing my life by my perception of it!  Instead of seeing what I perceive as negative and continuing to give out (and therefore receive) negative I will not judge the physical, because I know it is only a mirror of the NON-physical. I can only continue to think thoughts that create the life I WANT whether I can see it yet or not is irrelevant.  I know that it WILL manifest ... so I can manifest pain, heartache, stress and poor health OR I can manifest abundance, joy, compassion and excellent health!  I choose the latter... how about you?  What are YOU focusing and therefore creating in your reality?  We are what we THINK!  And we're much more powerful than we give ourSelves credit for!  Here's a look at an example of a new daily "to do" list:

*Wake up with a smile and give thanks to our Creator for the free will in how I create my day

*Meditate on what I desire in my experience and review what "is" for lessons that to be learned.  (Daily affirmations may vary depending on what I want to focus on.)

*Show compassion and love for mySelf and others

*Allow Source to flow through me by aligning my thoughts in resonance with my Higher Self led by my trusted emotional compass.

*Focus on what I want to create.... not what is.  Todays thoughts create tomorrows reality!

*Live in the NOW!

Create bliss in every moment! (Notice the sway of the trees, the warm water embrace in a hot bath, the ability to walk, talk, run, laugh.)  Even if a circumstance "appears" to be "bad", look for the good and focus on THAT.  For example:  If you were just told that your friend is going into the hospital with an illness, instead of thinking "Oh my gosh, this is terrible!  What if my friend dies!?!?"  Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with that type of news (sadness, anger etc.) but find the thought that will help you focus on a higher vibration such as: "I am sad/angry that my friend is in the hospital with ABC illness, but I know that this can be the catalyst that brings forth a desire for a great healing and therefore change his/her life forever in a positive way!  I am sending energy of awareness and resolution and praying that he/she aligns with his/her Higher Self and allows a complete healing to occur.  I pray they begin to love themselves fully!" This will benefit both you AND your friend.  Now, I know a lot of people think this is all sugarcoating BS that is a sense of denial of reality... but it's actually the contrary.  Reality is a mirror of what WE have created... not us creating based on reality!  So flip the coin and break the cycle of creating by default.  The law of attraction (reaping and sowing, karma etc.) is at work 24/7 whether we agree, believe, like it or not!  We might as well start using it to our benefit and enjoy life!  This is, after all... why we came here in the first place! ;-)

I will leave you with this quote:

"You can not have a life, you can not lose a life… you are life. It is you who holds the power to decide yourself back onto the path you intended, the path of welcoming and of becoming one with your own personal definition of bliss. 

The power that you hold in life does not lie in what cards you have been dealt in this life, but instead in how you play them. Your life can be a tragedy in spite of every advantage.

Your life can be a triumph in spite of any kind of adversity. Your freedom lies in the fact that it is your choice which way you create your life to be." -Teal Scott

Emotional Detox is no bueno....

I've been going through another spiritual growth spurt/shift and doing a lot of work on detoxing both physically, for some health related issues, and emotionally from earlier life trauma. Let me just say that this is no walk in the park! The physical part (juicing, transitioning into a higher raw food diet, meditating regularly, being more active and loving on the sun) is fun, easy and intuitive for me... but the emotional negative energy stuff, yeah... not so much. If you look into my past blogs you'll notice one ( http://kristie711.blogspot.com/2009/09/there-are-two-things-person-should.html ) where I clearly have struggled with anger, even though I'm a very loving, highly sensitive person. This stems from both childhood events, genetics (being passed down from my mother) and from an abusive ex-husband, along with the occasional Joe Blow who found solace in making fun of me on the playgroung because I was "fat". I know it is important to "release these inner demons" and come to terms with my shadow. By acknowledging these feelings... letting them flow freely out of me (while my poor husband sits on the bed listening, wondering what to do) and making peace with them, I am able to finally let go and find forgiveness. Forgiveness for my mother who was only doing the best that SHE knew how to do with HER circumstances because after all, it WAS somewhat better than HER upbringing. I love you mama. I forgive you and I appreciate all of the good things you instilled in me. Forgiveness for my ex-husband, because I know that he is so sick with addiction to meth, that he is unable to make healthy decisions or really comprehend the effect he had on me all those years. He is sitting in prison for the up'teenth time at the age of 38yrs old and will be lucky to physically make it another 10yrs. His body is exhausted and it shows... his mental capacity is diminished to that of a 5th grader on most days. I actually feel sorrow for him at this point. He is so far removed from his spirit and I know his soul must be ready to return home just for a moment of inner peace. Kevin, I forgive you. I hope you find peace and rest soon. Now that I have forgiven them... the hardest part, but likely the most important is forgiving MYSELF. For all of the times I didn't follow my intuition... for raising children in the midst of the abuse and such a negative environment that was enough to send ANYONE to an insane asylum. Forgiving myself for staying in it for so long trying to "do the right thing" and for having good intentions but not doing what, deep down, I knew to be right. For passing some of this same "sickness" on to my children for them to have to battle and overcome. For giving my mother and my ex-husband the power over me to make me feel so angry, fearful and inadequate. Self, I forgive you. I love you and cherish you and I commit to taking better care of you, nurturing you physically, spiritually and emotionally. I know I will have days that I struggle, but I also know that by removing these deep seeded emotions one by one as they arise, I will only free mySelf even more and will continue to reconnect with my inner power, my Highest Self, creating the life that I deserve. Today I choose to live life authentically. I will not judge mySelf or others. I will love and be loved! I will be kind to mySelf and others. I will think, speak and be Love, Joy and Peace. Thank you Creator for giving me the choice in how to experience this life! By understanding that you gave ME the control of my own destiny, I cannot blame you for any "bad" choices I make or things that happen in my life. I understand that it is NOT your will for me to do or be.... anything that I don't want to be or do! I thank you that I have complete freedom in how I co-create my life with you! This gives me a deeper desire to live this life as freely, joyfully and healthfully as possible while helping others to do the same. I was blind... but now I see.

What station is this???

I hear songs in my head almost simultaneously.....

"I see trees of green... red roses too..."
"And I think to myself.... what a wonderful world...." (Louis Armstrong)

"It's the end of the world as we know it... " (REM)

"Jesus loves me this I know...." (anyone)

"and now ya do what they told ya.... (now you're under control) and now ya do what they TOLD ya!!" (repeat over and over) (RATM)

"Here's to you Mrs. Robinson... Jesus loves you more than you will know... Oh, Oh, Oh" (Caroline Spine Version)

"some say the end is near, some say we'll see Armageddon soon... I certainly hope we will.... I sure could use a vacation from this bullshit..." ( TOOL)

"You're my world... the shelter from the rain.... in this world where nothing else is true, here I am still tangled up in you" (STAIND)

"Despite the lies that you're making, your love is Mine for the taking... My love is just waiting to turn your tears to roses.... I will be the one that's gonna hold you, I will be the one that you run to, My love is a burning consuming fire! No, you'll never be alone, when darkness comes I'll light the night with stars, hear the whispers in the dark." (SKILLET)

I could go on forever.... my life is a soundtrack to all the evil and chaos wrapped in love that we call "world." I think I may have "Spiritual ADD"... I go from feeling elated like I can change the world, earnestly seeking truth and trying honestly to apply it to my life... to sobbing so hysterically all over my couch that there's a snot line from one cushion to the other because of the evil we never hear about...... like children being used as sex slaves as young as the age of 3, people being tortured because other people "get bored..." while we're out shopping and playing house people are suffering and dying, and yes I know, there's nothing new under the son ....but I become speechless to my Creator and my knees show signs of unvaccumed carpet with embedded Pringle crumbs and for that time I feel so pathetic to have EVER complained about ANYTHING in my ENTIRE life that I don't even deserve to speak. All I can do is cry.... and know that He knows my thoughts.... and tell Him that He better "take" these people before they physically die because otherwise I can make NO sense out of such torture... and yes, to answer that question in the back of your mind, I DO feel the same way about the crucifixtion of Christ.... whether you or I believe Him to be Messiah, Savior or NOT... for ANYONE to suffer such pain is against everything I believe to be Gods will..... and just so you know I believe He felt every bit of it..... and I still can't swallow that. Some days I feel very "big"... ready to live out my mission of love and hope and spread it to the world..... others days I feel like been chewed up and spit out by a religious machine and I get so pissed off at the darkness and evil that I just WANT OUT. I don't want to believe it's happening... I don't want to hear about it.... I don't want to pray about it... hell, I don't even WANT to believe in a God that would "allow" it!!!!!! But then.... I know I need to step away from the maddness (eg. TV, computer, books) find my "quiet" place (even if it's only for a minute while I shower) go back to the Source of my being and be still.... and KNOW that He is not only God, but good.... and not only good, but LOVE... and love NEVER fails... So I try again.

Peace in, Peace out.

Ending endless.....

sometimes i wonder if it will ever end
i get dizzy in the swirls of darkness and light
is there anyway out of this cage?

your gripping fear, masked control to own me....
i seek serenity, after all of this i still stand
can i go now?

isolating, i find myself in the closet of my mind...
still running from you, can i cut you out
relief, please find me here.

courage to change, wisdom to know
strength to see me through....
i have to go, a voice is calling
death find the part of me that is you.

“There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.”

Why am I so angry? and who exactly am I angry with?? This has been eating at me for awhile now..... For 13yrs I was married/divorced/reconciled to an addict who seemed to believe that abuse in any form was "fun".... it made him feel bigger and better on the outside because nothing existed inside.... unfortunately, this did quite a bit of damage to myself and 2 oldest sons. For years I thought I was the problem, had very low self-esteem, if any... and literally thought I was going crazy.... funny how they can turn EVERYTHING around on YOU even when you're doing everything right and make you BELIEVE that you are the problem. I guess where I'm going with this, is I have healed from MOST of the damage.... ( so I thought...) but still have a long way to go and can't seem to understand my anger. I rarely think of him, and when I do it's because he's brought up in conversation with my boys or he's going back in or getting back out of jail and I'm trying to make sure I and they are protected.... but I don't sit on the pity pot and think " oh poor me, why did I have to go through all of that... blah..blah..blah..." I'm not even angry over what he did to me.... I am however furious over the damage it did to my boys... and then I struggle with WHO am I more angry with??? Him for doing it??? or ME for being stupid enough to think it wouldn't happen again the 10th, 15th and 20th time...... and am I really angry? or am I just so USED to being in darkness and feeling that tug of bitterness and resentment in my gut that it became "part" of me??? like my own addiction??? Why is it that I can see myself in 3rd person and know EXACTLY what I'm doing wrong, know EXACTLY what I NEED to do to make it right but yet I can't seem to put into action or the words necessary for healing to take place here? My husband should not have to suffer for the choices in my past nor what anyone else has done to me... and if I expect my children to live in happiness and deal with anger appropriately as oppossed to the way their father does, how can I myself expect them to do this if I don't know how to do it myself? I can willingly allow and even ask God to come into the darkest areas of my spirit and do His work within me and find forgiveness and cleansing..... but for some reason I distance myself from asking or allowing Him to help me with my anger, why is that? Sometimes I think, "Oh, I'll get it.... I don't need to bother God with it.... I just need a little more time..." and other times I think I'm just so angry and stubborn that I isolate myself from everyone INCLUDING my Creator who knows me best!! I can tell that something in me is broken.... and it HAS to be fixed or I inflict damage on others which I do NOT have the right to do. I'm working on releasing my sense of "entitlement" and feeling as though I have "rights" to anything! The only "right" I've truely been given is to LOVE with His love and see the world through His eyes.... I know that only He is able to repair the kind of damage that has been done and I have to have a willing spirit to accomplish this through Him.... Ok God, I'm finished making excuses.....let's do this.