Gender Warfare...

Maybe it's because I birthed 3 sons, the oldest being almost 20, and have experienced first hand that all "groups" of people are oppressed and/or exploited in one way or another, but I'm getting a little sick of the feminazi bullshit. I am NOT a feminist. I am a LIVING BEING'IST. ALL people (and animals) deserve to be treated with respect. Men and women are BOTH victims of rape an sexual abuse. Men AND women are both responsible for raising their children. Men AND women are both guilty of treating the opposite sex as we've been conditioned to treat them until we become conscious of doing otherwise. I do not think in groups. I do not subscribe to labels. Just because my granddaughter likes to dress up as a princess doesn't mean that she's being subjected to "gender roles"... maybe she just likes dressing up like a fucking princess! She also likes to go fishing with her daddy and play in the dirt! Going to extremes to the opposite end of the pole can be just as unhealthy (and annoying) IMO as the "other side" that I see many people bashing! Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate. . . especially if you're just going off of someone ELSE'S ideas of what is "right and wrong" or emotionally attached to a label. And please don't assume that I am a feminist or any other "ist" just because I promote many of the same styles of living that they might. . . like peaceful parenting, equal rights, humanism etc. If I am ANYTHING, I'm a humanist. (But even that means different things to different people.) I do know that I am sick of all the "Us vs Them" gender warfare, regardless as to which side one plays.

Are you a member of the Comparison Cult?

I don't often share our personal experiences with natural learning anymore online due to privacy issues and harsh judgment, but this might help some of my fellow Natural Learning families, so I'm sharing. 

My son, almost 8, has exhibited some mild dyslexia and has been considered "slow" by outside family members when it comes to reading. Yet, his math skills have been nearly impeccable since age 5 without ever even opening a math book. This is another reason I am SO very grateful that he is given the autonomy, encouragement and support to learn at his own pace without being forced, which most often leads to further frustration and then feelings of failure, which, in the end, breeds apathy towards learning and low self worth. By remaining steadfast and not caving to outside opinions, we have continued to support him unconditionally and he has taught himself to read more and more by way of his passions. He may not be reading novels or even books, because he's simply not interested in that right now... but every time he reads a new word he is further internally motivated by his own excitement of accomplishing something that someone else has judged him for not being able to do. Every time he goes to type in a title on Netflix or Youtube, he is asking for help less and less. Every time we leave the house, he's pointing out words all over billboards and signs. He isn't in the back seat disconnected from the world around him, he is actively seeking out information from all over the place! SO many people hold "reading" as the pinnacle of worthiness in education from such a young age, but if the world ended today, how many books my son has read is NOT going matter... what matters is that he has LIVED a happy life pursuing his own passions with the full support and lack of judgment of his parents and learning everything he's needing along the way. Today he has shown drastic improvement in the dyslexia, so do I say that my son is dyslexic? No. He is just learning to read at his own pace as his own brain is ready and that might look different than someone else's time frame and standards. 

From the linked article below:



“My perspective, after 40 years of working on this entity we call ‘reading disability’ or ‘dyslexia,’ is that we need to be thinking of it as a variant of normal, rather than an abnormality,” said Martha Bridge Denckla, a research scientist at the Kennedy Krieger Institute, professor at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, and member of the Dana Alliance for Brain Initiatives. She suggests reading can be better understood as a talent, a biologically bestowed gift that is not doled out equally to everyone.

“There is variability at the highest level of the brain for a whole bunch of different things we call talents,” said Denckla. “We accept completely that there are people who do not have whatever the neurological basis for musical talent may be–we just say they don’t have that ‘ear’ for music. Well, people can also be born with an untalented ‘ear’ for the speech sounds of language, which makes it very difficult to connect with an alphabetic system and be proficient at reading.”



Let's stop comparing children to arbitrary standards AND each other. It's very damaging psychologically and frankly, it's rude. I wouldn't walk up to an adult at a gathering and quiz them on their knowledge, so why do we think it's ok to do this to children? Appreciate them for who they are and not how they can "perform", children are not here to entertain or please adults and are just as worthy of their intellectual property and privacy of mind as we are.

http://www.dana.org/media/detail.aspx?id=13124

Obese does not = worthless, unhealthy or lazy.

Dear Fat Shaming Meme's:

I see you in my newsfeed on a daily basis. It's like there's no escaping you! No matter how many pages I "unlike" or how many more positive body image pages I DO "like", there you are... shaming people into being "healthy". Well, the next time you feel like saying something like this: 

"You can feel sore today or sorry tomorrow. You choose." 

*Consider this: 
*That's interesting. I'm not sore OR sorry.

"I don't have time to exercise" is the adult version of "The dog ate my homework."

*So now adults who choose not to exercise in blocks of time are lazy liars just like all of those bad evil little children. Got it. *eyeroll*

"Do not reward yourself with food. You're not a dog."

*My bad, I thought food was a sustenance of LIFE. Some thing to be grateful for. Many people even bless it before putting it into their mouth! But thank you for showing me that it is actually a product of SINFUL reward and by equating food (even my beloved red peppers!) with reward seals my godless fate in hell for all eternity. . . . with twinkies. And dogs.

"Someone who is busier than you is running right now."

*That's cool. I raised 3 boys while holding down a highly stressful job, never received child support nor government assistance, paid all of my own bills and provided my sons with everything I possibly could while being physically, emotionally and psychologically abused by a meth addict for 14 yrs., buried my father to cancer and had 4 surgeries. I finally "retired" after getting remarried so that I could actually FOCUS on being a mom and trying to give my sons (even the grown ones) the attention they deserve. But it's totally awesome that you can run X amount of miles. GOOD JOB!!!  I hate running. Maybe since you're SO much busier than I am, I could help you keep up with your laundry, housework and cooking?

Now look, I am not advocating anything here other than NOT shaming. If you enjoy rigorous exercise and dieting etc. (notice I said ENJOY), than KEEP DOING IT! I'm happy for you!!! But don't assume/insinuate that whoever doesn't, is a worthless pile of lazy lying fat. There is SO much more that goes into health and obesity that what most are even aware of. Shame does not motivate people to greatness and you cannot punish someone into wellness. Instead of shaming and assuming, try relating and encouraging without purpetuating myths and condemnation. 

It's time for children to be respected.

It amazes me how our culture acceptably treats children. Publicly shaming them on street corners forcing them to hold signs that tell the world their "mistakes", screaming at them when they don't conform, using physical force to demand submission and ordering them around like slaves, using carrots on sticks to achieve desired performance like they're animals being trained in a circus. Most people have no problem treating children this way yet would NEVER allow themselves or another adult to be. Parents who bully their kids then have kids who bully kids at school, then punish their kids for treating other people how THEY have been treated at home and wonder why we have a bullying epidemic! Then they watch the news at night and say "Damn punks! If that kids parents had beat his ass more, he wouldn't be doin' that shit!"

Oh yes, I'm sure it's because they weren't abused ENOUGH!!

We can deny it all we want, but treating children, the most fragile among us, in this way is WRONG. Yes, you can parent however you CHOOSE and it doesn't have to be the same way I DO, HOWEVER, we do NOT get the luxury of "choosing" to use physical force or bulling any adult in our culture without legal action so why is it ok for CHILDREN??? Instead of seeking quick fixes to meet the needs of the adults, we should be seeking to educate ourselves to be the best parents we can be and loving our children in the way the DESERVE. Just like WE all deserved. The cycles of abuse will never end unless we end it. Is it easy to parent in more conscious, peaceful and connected manner if you were not raised in that way? No. It takes determination, trial and error and a lot of forgiving yourself in the process. Parenting is NEVER "easy". But if we truly want to see a change in our world, than it's high time we start at the roots and show the children that they deserve better. We ALL do. They don't deserve to become the product of our OWN damage. We are worthy of healing and they are worthy of respect. I make mistakes EVERY day. I am NOT a perfect parent. But as Maya Angelo said... "When we know better, we do better."

It's time for us to do better. It's time for us to heal, to love and forgive ourselves and It's time to treat children with the equal respect and love they deserve.

I'll see you at home...

I have discovered that my greatest source of suffering is the contrast between wanting SO badly for everyone to enjoy this life as much as I do and them choosing (consciously or subconsciously) not to do so. I desire so strongly for everyone to see and feel the wonder, beauty, peace, love, joy, freedom and connection with All that Is. To have a deep sense of trust in the universe and its magnificence. I wish everyone could know that life is as wonderful as we make it. That if we are walking in the dark, we can pull out the flashlight at anytime and find our way back to the the fully lit path. 
I am always so humbled when I think about my "past" life... the one I was living until around age 30. I remember much of my twenties hating life SO much that I begged for my life to be taken... yet I could never do it myself because I had an even stronger desire to stay with my children. I would feel so guilty for leaving them behind, yet I felt guilty for not being able to be with them as much as I wanted and they needed due to having to work all the time as the sole provider, so I was deeply conflicted. 
I stayed in a cynical state of existence for many years, choking on the bitterness towards those in my past who had hurt me. Believing that some guy in the sky was punishing me for breaking his rules even though it was mostly unintentional and I was trying SO HARD to do everything right. I didn't know anyone who had lived through all of MY lifes' circumstances who were still able to be sober and take care of their children and responsibilities as a single parent without any assistance. I was angry. I was resentful and I felt that I could lose what inkling of hope I had left at any moment. Not only had I been abused by those who were supposed to love me, but I abused myself. I cut and I starved, and I binged and even begged my abuser to stay and "love" me, essentially begging for more abuse. I spent many years believing I was a victim of an abuser. A victim to someone else's addiction. A victim to an abusive childhood. A victim to poverty as a single mom. A victim to bosses who used me, knowing that I had no other options. A victim to society's judgment at every turn. A victim to a world that is cold, dark and selfish.



It wasn't until around age 30 that I realized I was only a victim of my own mind. 
I realized that the only person I could change, was me. Eventually, I learned that I couldn't change me without changing my beliefs. And I couldn't change my beliefs unless I was willing to let go of the old and explore the new without fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what I might find and fear of what anyone else thought about my exploration. I had to stop believing that life is just this place to live out a slow painful death while a "god" watched from above as I gasped for air all the while expecting me to worship him for how GOOD he is. I had to change my thinking in order to change my life, but more accurately, I had to change my FEELINGS in order to change my life. I get to choose how I feel. ALWAYS. 
Today, I am living a totally different life. A life full of so much good that it brings tears to my eyes just to think about it. A life that I wish so badly that others could experience and share in the gratitude and deep peace that is present in knowing that we are not victims of circumstance. Or at least, we don't HAVE to be. So you see, I don't suffer when I see someone I love struggling simply because they're struggling, I suffer simply because they do not know that they don't have to. (And understanding that I too, have control over my own suffering). But in most cases, like my own experience, they cannot hear me even when I tell them so. And they're not always meant to, at least maybe not in this moment. For they have their own journey of the soul and it would be wrong for me to deny them that experience. If I hadn't went through so much darkness in my earlier life, than the light I have today would feel so bland. I would be robbed of being able to recognize just how fucking awesome my life is today! My own evolution has not only taught me but proven to me without a shadow of a doubt that the Universal Laws are at work 24/7 whether we acknowledge and believe in them or not. That we are the creators of our own reality every second of every day. That we came here for expansion and without contrast there would be none. We could not evolve if there was nothing to evolve FROM. That yes, sometimes life is hard and there is pain and suffering, but how we choose to feel and get through those times can be what makes or breaks our spirit.



T'is our own choice what path we choose to take to find our way back home, but know this: No matter what path you DO choose, the All is supporting you every step of the way and you cannot stay focused on your own path if you are busy looking over and judging someone else's. Would you drive your car down the road while looking into the lane next to you and expect it to be a joyous ride, arriving safely at your destination? Of course not. Stay focused on your own path... and even when others try to steal your joy and bring you over to their side of the street as they drive down that dark alley, you don't have to follow them, you don't have to get in their car and begging them to get in yours is likely to cause you to crash. You don't have to lose hope or give up on them. You can simply look over, smile and wave and say.... "I guess your map is different than mine. Good luck! I love you and I'll see you at home."