Emotional Detox is no bueno....

I've been going through another spiritual growth spurt/shift and doing a lot of work on detoxing both physically, for some health related issues, and emotionally from earlier life trauma. Let me just say that this is no walk in the park! The physical part (juicing, transitioning into a higher raw food diet, meditating regularly, being more active and loving on the sun) is fun, easy and intuitive for me... but the emotional negative energy stuff, yeah... not so much. If you look into my past blogs you'll notice one ( http://kristie711.blogspot.com/2009/09/there-are-two-things-person-should.html ) where I clearly have struggled with anger, even though I'm a very loving, highly sensitive person. This stems from both childhood events, genetics (being passed down from my mother) and from an abusive ex-husband, along with the occasional Joe Blow who found solace in making fun of me on the playgroung because I was "fat". I know it is important to "release these inner demons" and come to terms with my shadow. By acknowledging these feelings... letting them flow freely out of me (while my poor husband sits on the bed listening, wondering what to do) and making peace with them, I am able to finally let go and find forgiveness. Forgiveness for my mother who was only doing the best that SHE knew how to do with HER circumstances because after all, it WAS somewhat better than HER upbringing. I love you mama. I forgive you and I appreciate all of the good things you instilled in me. Forgiveness for my ex-husband, because I know that he is so sick with addiction to meth, that he is unable to make healthy decisions or really comprehend the effect he had on me all those years. He is sitting in prison for the up'teenth time at the age of 38yrs old and will be lucky to physically make it another 10yrs. His body is exhausted and it shows... his mental capacity is diminished to that of a 5th grader on most days. I actually feel sorrow for him at this point. He is so far removed from his spirit and I know his soul must be ready to return home just for a moment of inner peace. Kevin, I forgive you. I hope you find peace and rest soon. Now that I have forgiven them... the hardest part, but likely the most important is forgiving MYSELF. For all of the times I didn't follow my intuition... for raising children in the midst of the abuse and such a negative environment that was enough to send ANYONE to an insane asylum. Forgiving myself for staying in it for so long trying to "do the right thing" and for having good intentions but not doing what, deep down, I knew to be right. For passing some of this same "sickness" on to my children for them to have to battle and overcome. For giving my mother and my ex-husband the power over me to make me feel so angry, fearful and inadequate. Self, I forgive you. I love you and cherish you and I commit to taking better care of you, nurturing you physically, spiritually and emotionally. I know I will have days that I struggle, but I also know that by removing these deep seeded emotions one by one as they arise, I will only free mySelf even more and will continue to reconnect with my inner power, my Highest Self, creating the life that I deserve. Today I choose to live life authentically. I will not judge mySelf or others. I will love and be loved! I will be kind to mySelf and others. I will think, speak and be Love, Joy and Peace. Thank you Creator for giving me the choice in how to experience this life! By understanding that you gave ME the control of my own destiny, I cannot blame you for any "bad" choices I make or things that happen in my life. I understand that it is NOT your will for me to do or be.... anything that I don't want to be or do! I thank you that I have complete freedom in how I co-create my life with you! This gives me a deeper desire to live this life as freely, joyfully and healthfully as possible while helping others to do the same. I was blind... but now I see.